What would our marriages look like if we modeled Jesus and chose to live a life of service to our spouse instead of waiting to be served? What if society has it backwards and best selling marriage books have fueled our selfishness leading to dissatisfaction and higher divorce rates?

Biblical View of Marriage

As Christians we are called to be separate from the world and we ought to look to the Bible for guidance on how to live. Jesus lived a life of service, he said “the Son of Man came not to be ministered unto but to minister” (Matthew 20:28). I am not saying the advice in these books have no merit or that they have not helped thousands of couples, but oftentimes the principles in these books only work when both parties participate.

If your partner is not meeting your needs does this absolve you of your responsibility to meet their needs? What happens when you are constantly speaking your partner’s love language and they don’t speak yours? What if you are constantly filling their cup and you’re still waiting on yours to be filled?

Unmet expectations will lead to continual frustration; however, if you follow the principles of Christ and focus on serving instead of being served, you will have peace. This is definitely easier said than done. Having a Christlike Bible based marriage requires a shift in perspective. It will take dying to self, killing our flesh and walking with Christ daily.

God Calls Us To Be Like Him

God calls us to be like Him, Ephesians 5:1 exhorts us to be followers of God as dear children. Throughout the scriptures we can see that God remains faithful to us regardless of our faithfulness to Him, therefore, God expects us to faithfully perform our vows even if our partner falls short.  

Sadly, this is where most marriage books are lacking because it creates the expectation that both parties meet each others needs yet not all marriages work like this. These books paint the picture of an ideal marriage which is not always a reality. The authors create the expectations that if you do this you will get that result which is not always the case leading to disappointment and frustration. There are instances where a spouse may not be equipped to meet your needs and in these instances we must turn to God in prayer and leave the situation in His hands.

God remained faithful and kept his promise to backslidden Israel throughout scripture, we are called to do the same; to love the same way and to extend the same mercy to our partners. We are exhorted to give expecting nothing in return (Luke 6:35) and if this applies to our enemies and strangers how much more should we extend this courtesy to our spouse?

If you are struggling with this concept or find it difficult to apply this to your marriage there is hope in Jesus. God will strengthen and enable you to do His will. Turn to Him in prayer and let His word be your guide.