Navigating the dating scene can be so daunting, but we’re here to help! Here are three (3) red flags that Christians who are dating should never ignore.
Choosing a spouse is one of the most important decisions we will ever make in life, as such it should not be taken lightly. It’s interesting that we spend most of our lives in school preparing for careers that may change over time, but very little thought or attention is given to choosing the right partner. Throughout the course of our lives our jobs or careers may change, we may move several times, change cities or even live in different countries. A marriage, however, is a lifelong commitment, especially for Christians. Therefore, it stands to reason that this decision should be made thoughtfully and prayerfully.
Dating can be such an exhilarating experience with lots of mixed emotions. These emotions can often cloud our judgement and blind us to obvious signs of serious issues. We may even make excuses for our partners shortcomings as we want to give them the benefit of the doubt but this could lead to our downfall in the long run. So, do yourself a favour and spare yourself the heartache by watching out for these three (3) red flags.
Three Red Flags To Watch For When Dating
- Leads you into sin
- Spiritual Immaturity
- Contradicts or twists the Word
Leads you into sin
A partner who follows God should be at the top of your priority list. 1 Peter 1: 16 admonishes us to “Be ye holy; for I am holy”, as we strive for holiness and righteousness it is paramount that our partners are doing the same. It is a major red flag if your partners is continually leading you into sin. You should also note that God will not send someone who will take you off the path, He is more likely to send someone who will lead you closer to Him as His desire is to perfect you for his kingdom. Pslam 11: 7 states “For the righteous Lord loveth righteousness; his countenance doth behold the upright.”
We know that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes, but what is their heart posture when he/she slips? Are they remorseful like David who repented and sought God’s forgiveness or are they like Saul who made excuses? A partner who habitually leads you into sin could potentially lead you away from Christ altogether so it is not worth the risk.
Spiritual Immaturity
Spiritual immaturity can take different forms. This person may not own up to their sin or be actively striving towards holiness. They may make excuses for habitual sin in their lives. A common phrase in modern Christendom is “God understands”, persons use this to dismiss their sin and absolve themselves of personal responsibility. But the reality is that God expects us to overcome; it is a requirement to enter His kingdom. He also grants us the grace and strength to conquer sin in our lives. 2 Corinthians 12:9 states “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness”.
Another form of spiritual immaturity is a person who only knows the basics of the faith and is content with being spoon-fed all their lives. They have no interest or motivation to know God for themselves and they rely on pastors and preachers to know God. This is dangerous as it this person is at risk of being led away by false doctrines. They do not prioritize prayer or bible reading and there is no spiritual growth in their lives. We all start as babes in Christ and grow over time but if your partner has been stuck at the same level for years, this could be a sign of spiritual immaturity.
Contradicts or Twists the Word
A person can contradict the word either with their words or their lifestyle. They say they’re a Christian but their life tells a different story, or they may blatantly refute what the Bible says.
Twisting the Word can be very subtle and harder to detect if you are not versed in scripture. This is when a person either changes the intended meaning of the scripture or uses it out of context. Be wary of persons who intentionally twist the word to suit themselves. This could be an indication of someone who is manipulative and controlling.
Words of Advice
Don’t let your feelings cloud your judgement when choosing a partner. It is a weighty decision that should not be taken lightly. Christians should be sure to enter a relationship prayerfully and always seek God’s guidance when dating.
Ladies, your husband must be someone that you can submit to, this is an important quality to consider when dating. Ask yourself, do I see myself submitting to this man? How do I feel about his leadership? What kind of leader is he?
Gentlemen, your wife needs to be someone who respects your authority and won’t undermine you. Does she esteem you and hold you in high regard? Does she value you, your opinions and thoughts? How does she respond to criticism? Does she take it with grace or get offended?
It’s important to seek God’s guidance every step of the way. He sees beyond the outward appearance (1 Samuel 16: 7) and He knows the path you should take (Job 23: 10).
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